Trigger warning: Childhood Suicidal Thoughts.
- Empowered Kidz Australia
- Nov 24, 2021
- 4 min read
As a parent, the last words you want to hear from your child are "I want to die" or "I am going to kill myself."
It is shocking, traumatic and ignites a plethora of feelings that are hard to manage calmly. Especially so when it is a young child.
There is plenty of information and support available for suicidal thoughts and attempts in teens, but not for the 5-12 age group. I hope this blog can shed some light on what to look for and how to handle it.
In today's society, children are exposed to all sorts of things at a much younger age. Puberty is starting younger; mental health is deteriorating faster due to the enormous pressures placed upon children at an ever-younger age. They see and hear things that they cannot understand yet. And that can make it hard to distinguish between actual suicidal behaviour and misinformation.
It can be difficult to know how to respond and how to handle it.
Does the child mean it? What if the child is only 5, or 7, or 9?
Do they understand what they are saying? Knowing what to say to uncover the cause of those feelings in such a young child is hard.
As parents, our instinct is to jump in and fix everything, but how?
The most important thing is to take it seriously. Never dismiss it.
Between the ages of 5 and 9, they may not understand what death means. For example, at age 5, they may think they will merely be
going to sleep. The child may believe they will go to a better place but may not understand that they will be leaving behind everyone and everything they know.
It could simply be something they have heard someone say that they are repeating out of context. It could be something the child has read or seen on television. But one can never be too careful, and it is best to have your child evaluated by a mental health professional to be sure that they are ok.
A good technique I learnt when volunteering for Lifeline was to paraphrase what someone is saying and say it back to them, this will help you gain insight and clarity, and the person will feel heard and understood.
Young children are often unable to emotionally regulate, identify their emotions or use tools to help themselves. By paraphrasing, you can help them co-regulate. By repeating to them how they are feeling and what they can do to work through it, you are teaching them the skills they need to resolve their emotions in the future.
Ask questions as clearly and as gently as possible, try to identify what happened and why they feel that the only option is suicide.
It may be an incident at school with a classmate, teacher or bully that has made them feel angry, isolated or helpless.
It may be something they have heard someone say about them.
Or it may be related to mental health struggles, low self-esteem or depression.
Ascertaining the trigger will help you decipher whether they are just emotional, angry, frustrated or sad. Or if the child is having genuinely suicidal thoughts.
It is necessary to have a deep and meaningful conversation with your child. Acknowledge and validate their feelings, ask what would change if they were dead. Help them problem-solve a less permanent solution to whatever is distressing them. Let them know that they have your support no matter the origin of the distress, whether it be a problem at school, a bully, a friend, a family member, or even you.
Your reactions in the home to stressful situations may be influencing your child as well, as young children often copy behaviour, so
make sure that you never threaten to kill yourself or joke about suicide when frustrated or upset.
Come up with a suicide action plan.
Before talking to your child, jot down a few important talking points. Remind them of the people in their life who love them and would miss them, and why they are important to those people.
Talk about all the things they enjoy in life, their hobbies, favourite activities, pets, and friends.
Help them focus on the bright side: by reminding them of happy memories, future events they will enjoy, and all the possibilities of their future.
For a child to threaten to kill themselves, they must be severely overwhelmed and upset. They likely feel like they have no control, and they may be unable to ask for help.
Young children generally need help identifying emotions and how they feel in their bodies. They need help to learn to manage their feelings and ask for help. Our job, as parents, is to teach and guide them. To give them the skills they need and to help them navigate the situation. Until they can do that, parents need to be vigilant of changes in behaviour.
If your child is, in fact, having suicidal thoughts and has not misinterpreted or copied something they don't understand, it is imperative to have your child evaluated by a professional, to assess their level of risk and to access the best
support and interventions for your child.
Signs to watch for:
Unexplained crying
Changes in personality, behaviour, sleep, eating
Withdrawing socially
Displaying depressive or hostile behaviour
Giving away belongings or favourite items.
Struggling with schoolwork, drop in grades.
Loss of interest in hobbies, activities, playdates.
Moody, irritable or tired without external cause.
Self-harming, often hidden by a change in dress.
Neglecting personal appearance and hygiene.
Being preoccupied with death in conversation, writing or drawing.
Expressing hopelessness, feeling trapped, or feeling they are a burden to others.
Making suicidal statements
Running away
Risk-taking behaviour
Where to reach out for help:
Beyond Blue – 1300 22 4636
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/
Lifeline - 13 11 14
https://www.lifeline.org.au/
Mental Health Emergency Response Line (MHERL):
Crisis Support – 1300 555 788
Suicide call back Service - 1300 659 467
https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/
Kids Helpline (for young people aged 5-25 years) – 1800 55 1800
https://kidshelpline.com.au/
Headspace (for young people aged 12- 25 years)
https://headspace.org.au/
Youth Focus (young people aged 12-25) - (08) 6266 4333
https://youthfocus.com.au
Empowered Kidz Australia (young people aged 5-12 years)
https://walkeraoo.wixsite.com/empoweredkidz
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